Doubt

    I never wanted to believe there is something wrong with me. Convincing myself that I may have anxiety is like convincing an atheist of God's existence. 
I fear failure, my life has to be like a shooting star, everything should be improving, not crashing downhill. I am addicted to success, I need to be at people's expectations. Does that make me sick? 
I have tied myself to pressure, I breath pressure, constantly, and I thought I was fine, I thought it was beneficial, I thought it pushed me forward. But nobody told me, that in this forward I have been pushed into, I would be feeling this way: I am a made of stress.
At first I thought I had it under control, just another issue that I can handle, just another obstacle that I can overcome. But it got out of control, this stress became scary, I could no longer conceal it, it had made its place, in my core, somewhere between my organs, eating every inch of calm in me. 
It should be normal, right? everyone is stressed nowadays, why should I make a fuss about it? 
Apparently no, it is not normal. It is called anxiety, it is a disease, a medical condition that needs to be treated. 
I can't be mentally ill, why would I? My life is decent, I may not be happy but I am satisfied most of the time, or am I not? I tend to take life seriously, but I always thought that what made me efficient, productive, successful in what I do. 
For a person who had everything under control, feeling this slip of the grip is devastating and nerve-wracking. 
Now that everything is out of control, I can only watch in sobs my life passing me by...
I know I need help, but I just can't take that first step yet.