A Break

Do you ever get the feeling that you need a break from existing? Do you ever feel the need to disappear from your consciousness just for a couple of days? Do you ever feel you are suffocating despite your normal respiratory rate? 

I need a break, from myself, from my mind, from my thoughts. Living inside this head is abnormal, unhealthy and definitely unbearable. I am torn between two possibilities, is it me that can't fall out of love with the self wreck, is destruction transfused in my blood? or maybe, my mind is a separate entity, an external part of myself? 

But how could it be? I've been always a strong believer of what Decarte said "I think, therefore I am", but lately my mind seems a tyrant and the rest of me is the oppressed nation, I dont know how to control it anymore, is it because I lost the tools or because it can not be governed anymore?

Unfortunately, I am just running from the cruel and heartbreaking truth, I am my mind, I am my thoughts, I am this anxiety, I am this depression, I am the reason and the one to hold responsable.

I need to be shut down and turned on again, this is what we all do when something breaks and doesnt work anymore, because I am not working anymore, I am not functioning right, I can not be operated. Sleep, right? but sadly, I only wake up when I fall asleep. My slumber is the only chance for my thoughts to attack me, benefit from my guards let down. 

How can I take a break from existing? How can I regain my will to live and survive and fight again? How can I fall in love with life and myself? Where can I learn the capacity to accept myself the way I am and stop the pursuit of changing it?  

Hello Internet! 
My sprinkle for the day is a story about a 20 yo girl, who commited a crime, a sin, a debauchery...
She fell in love. She was so confused about what love really meant, and when she finally get it, she realized that her world is not the same anymore, as if she was born again. 
What on earth is this demonic feel? What can we not do for the name of love? How can such a pure sense be that sinful in the eyes of others, even the closest of us? 
She weeped every night for her love to survive rejection, to fight battles, to resist hardships, she believed so much in her love as if it was a grace from God itself, she wished that her love would have been enough to move mountains and calm storms...
But one night, she felt helpless and outraged. Helpless because somehow the light she used to see throught the tunnel is getting duller at her sight, outraged because the source of her sarrow are the people who brought her to life, are the one who witnessed her first scream and breath, are the one who claimed once that their love is unconditionnal...But how can it be? Is harm justifed under the name of protection? Does loving unconditionnaly make us blind to the damages we can cause? 
And from all the thought traffic she had on her mind that night, one question was on repeat...is it a crime to fall in love?