A Break

Do you ever get the feeling that you need a break from existing? Do you ever feel the need to disappear from your consciousness just for a couple of days? Do you ever feel you are suffocating despite your normal respiratory rate? 

I need a break, from myself, from my mind, from my thoughts. Living inside this head is abnormal, unhealthy and definitely unbearable. I am torn between two possibilities, is it me that can't fall out of love with the self wreck, is destruction transfused in my blood? or maybe, my mind is a separate entity, an external part of myself? 

But how could it be? I've been always a strong believer of what Decarte said "I think, therefore I am", but lately my mind seems a tyrant and the rest of me is the oppressed nation, I dont know how to control it anymore, is it because I lost the tools or because it can not be governed anymore?

Unfortunately, I am just running from the cruel and heartbreaking truth, I am my mind, I am my thoughts, I am this anxiety, I am this depression, I am the reason and the one to hold responsable.

I need to be shut down and turned on again, this is what we all do when something breaks and doesnt work anymore, because I am not working anymore, I am not functioning right, I can not be operated. Sleep, right? but sadly, I only wake up when I fall asleep. My slumber is the only chance for my thoughts to attack me, benefit from my guards let down. 

How can I take a break from existing? How can I regain my will to live and survive and fight again? How can I fall in love with life and myself? Where can I learn the capacity to accept myself the way I am and stop the pursuit of changing it?